Loneliness is a complex and often misunderstood subject. This page looks in depth at what loneliness is and how it impacts different people.
Defining loneliness
The definition of loneliness that we use is:
Loneliness is a subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack or loss of companionship, which happens when there is a mismatch between the quantity and quality of the social relationships that we have, and those that we want (Perlman and Peplau, 1981)
This definition refers to the cognitive discrepancy theory, where loneliness is regarded as a discrepancy between the desired and achieved levels in the quality and quantity of social relations.
Different types of loneliness
There are different types of loneliness: emotional, and social and existential loneliness.
Emotional loneliness is the absence of a significant other with whom a close attachment or meaningful relationship existed (a partner or close friend).
Social loneliness is the lack of a wider social network of friends, neighbours or colleagues.
Existential loneliness is described as a universal aspect of the human condition which expresses the separateness of the person from others.
Loneliness can be a transient feeling that comes and goes.
It can be situational; for example only occurring at certain times like Sundays, bank holidays or Christmas.
Or loneliness can be chronic; this means someone feels lonely all or most of the time.
Loneliness can also be characterised by its intensity, or how strongly it is felt, which can change from moment to moment and over different durations of time.
Social isolation
Loneliness is linked to social isolation but it is not the same thing. Isolation is an objective state whereby the number of contacts a person has can be counted.
One way of describing this distinction is that you can be lonely in a crowded room, but you will not be socially isolated.
Risk factors in older age
Loneliness can be felt by people of all ages, but as we get older, risk factors that might lead to loneliness begin to increase.
Such risk factors include (but are not limited to):
Personal
Being socially isolated or having no family or friends
Being single, divorced or separated
Living alone
Being aged 75+
Poor health
Developing or living with a life-limiting illness or disability
Living with a mental health condition
Poor health
Living on a low income- poverty
Transitions in life that can contribute to loneliness
Bereavement, becoming widowed
Retirement
Geographical relocation
Living in a residential care home
Becoming a carer
Loss of mobility
Sensory loss
Giving up driving
Wider Society
Lack of public transport
Physical environment (e.g.no public toilets or benches)
Fear of crime
High population turnover
Digital exclusion
Young People and Loneliness
Young people might feel lonely for the following reasons:
find it hard to make friends
have moved schools and have to start somewhere new
have been abused or bullied
suffered a bereavement
don’t get on with family or live in care
have an illness or disability
have an eating disorder or they feel depressed
spent long periods apart from friends and family during the Covid-19 pandemic.
Children’s charity Childline has a website and helpline (0800 11 11) for children and teenagers experiencing challenges in their lives including loneliness.
Gender and Loneliness
Loneliness can affect men and women and different ways, but there’s not conclusive evidence that any gender is more lonely than the other.
According to the ONS, women reported feeling lonely more frequently than men. They were significantly more likely than men to report feeling lonely “often/always”, “some of the time” and “occasionally” and were much less likely than men to say they “never” felt lonely [2]
While higher percentages of older women report loneliness compared to men, a greater number of older men (50+) report moderate to high levels of social isolation[3]
14% of older men experienced moderate to high social isolation compared to 11% of women₃
A qualitative study looked at men’s experiences of loneliness and singled out a list of qualities that men value in groups[4]. They were:
Men valued groups that tried to increase social opportunities and interaction.
Groups of mixed ages were strongly preferred by both heterosexual and gay men, as they did not want to be siloed in groups for ‘older people’. Mixed-generational groups that included younger adults were preferred.
Men valued groups that facilitated emotional and social ties with other men.
For straight men this was commonly associated with male companionship and the enjoyment of male banter and opportunities.
For gay men this was often associated with a sense of belonging gained from being in the company of other gay men with similar life-experiences.
Loneliness and BAME people
Much of the data available about loneliness comes from a white British context. There is less information available about ways minority populations experience loneliness.
To help fill the gap, the British Red Cross produced research into loneliness in the Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic community (BAME) communities.[5] Three of its main findings include:
Belonging to your community, that is by ‘feeling valued, included, safe and able to join in community activities’ helps people to feel less lonely. Their research showed that ‘sixty-seven per cent of all respondents who felt they did not belong in their community said they were always or often lonely, compared with just 16 per cent who felt they did belong.’
The report claims that additional triggers of loneliness can include : racism, discrimination and xenophobia. It reported that ‘almost half of people (49 per cent) who had experienced discrimination at work or in their local neighbourhood reported being always or often lonely, compared with just over a quarter (28 per cent) of people who hadn’t.’
People from BAME backgrounds also more frequently report feeling they are less able to access community activities and support.
[3] Beach, B. and Bamford, S.M., 2014. Isolation: The emerging crisis for older men. A Report Exploring Experiences of Social Isolation and Loneliness Among Older Men in England, Independent Age, London
[4]Willis et al. ‘Addressing older men’s experiences of loneliness and social isolation in later life.’ Policy Report 51: April 2019. University of Bristol.
[5] Barriers to Belonging: An exploration among people from Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic backgrounds. British Red Cross 2019 https://www.redcross.org.uk/about-us/what-we-do/we-speak-up-for-change/barriers-to-belonging
